Dairy of a Nigerian Mom in Germany!
Living far away from “home” – family and friends can take its toll sometimes. I usually find a way around it but for my son’s 3rd Birthday, it hit me like a mighty wave! All the motivational quotes like “make the most out of your situation, flourish where you are planted, turn lemon to lemonade” didn’t work at all!
Then as I began to try to make the most of it, I realised again, we don’t really have our friends in this particular city. All our friends are scattered across different cities and parts of Germany and even the world. I felt a loneliness of some sort that I can’t quite put in words. How would my son do his 3rd Birthday alone. #sadface
We’ve done his first birthday and 2nd birthday at home quietly. That was ok but now the 3rd one? Really? Not going to Kita (school ) obviously didn’t help at all. Usually Homeschooling families have friends and community that fills the gap for social interaction which is crucial for kids. However, living in a predominantly pure German environment with much older people whose kids are either married or out of the house didn’t help at all.
I tried to reach out to a few of the friends we’ve made but unfortunately most were travelling for the holiday. My son is a Summer Baby. Whew. The Nigerian Party Lover in me was like “you mean to say there’ll be no birthday party for my son?” Like seriously???????? I cried. Call me a cry baby or I’m taking this thing too seriously and you’ll probably be right but that’s how I felt anyway. I am a big fan of acknowledging the emotions.
I imagined being in Nigeria. Ah! The first Grandson of Mama Alabi (my mom), The Grandson of Mama Oju (My mom-in-love) the party rocker herself is turning 3! Party must happen! No matter how small. I truly missed that Nigerian party spirit. Most importantly I missed my Family.
Party loving aside, I was more concerned because my son seems to be yearning for more interaction these days. I can see it from the few interactions we’ve had at the park. He quickly joins other kids even if they sometimes just push him aside. I really wanted him to have at least 2 people come around to play with him that on that day. I just didn’t want him to do his birthday alone! It was more of a playdate party.
Somehow I asked a friend in Church who stays close by. I wasn’t sure if she would say yes or be available. I mean I had received so many Nos already and I had actually given up. I was just going to take pictures and take him out and that would be all. But she stopped by for a Book Review chit chat (a thing we are gradually building and we have from time to time). We got talking about something school related and I mentioned it’s also my son’s birthday. She then asked if I was planning something and I was like well … long story short, she was available and willing to bring the kids! Whoop! Whoop! It saved the day and completely shifted my mood! It was an answer to prayer because she has 2 kids! Whoop! Whoop! The party was going to be lit and very much in line with the unwritten code in Germany of just having the number of kids your child is celebrating – i,e. if your child is 4, just have 4 guests, 5= 5 Guests.
The entire experience was a reminder for me to keep going even if I receive so many NOs. Also, that God truly hears the desires of our heart. I prayed about it and cried to God about it and somehow it worked out!
The Nigerian Mom in me came all out! I was planning a Party for just two Guests but we are making it cute!
“Japa” (used to describe the current mass migration of Nigerians to different parts of the world) is so good. I support it with all that’s happening in our country but there are days when the emotions of not missing having extended family members and friends will hit haaaarrrrrdddd! Be prepared for those days. My recommendation is to acknowledge the emotions, cry if you must, sit with it for a bit BUT make sure you walk out of it as quickly as possible and yes keep making the most out of every situation. If you’ve got kids, then constantly making the effort to build relationships for your them is a must!
Most importantly… I am hoping that one day our country Nigeria will rise out of the ashes of corruption and bad leadership.