For the first time in 18 months, I can feel myself again…I spent quality time with God, I sang, I danced, no distractions of any sort. My house is calm, I am calm and I have some time to myself! It feels so surreal and different! Hmm! Motherhood is indeed a very different sport. A world class unique University that drills you in many different ways. I must say. It turns your world around. I am just starting to feel like myself again. In this article, I share my journey of finding myself again and 6 lessons I learnt on how to stay connected to God.
1. You are a different woman. Accept it
2. Approach your relationship with God differently
3. Give yourself time
4. Take time off major activities
5. Become a mobile praying woman
6. Come as you are!
I have always worked with children. I worked in a school, managed and ran a Club for kids as a single lady so I just assumed motherhood cannot be “that bad”. Bring it on! Let’s do this. I thought. Little did I know that it would stretch me beyond my wildest imagination. I didn’t know I was about to be “hit by a moving truck”. The night feedings, pumping breast milk, managing my home, doing courses online, taking professional development courses, cooking, still doing wife duties if you get what I mean, trying to be a big sister, a good friend, a loving daughter, read books so I don’t go into extinction, attend to external family matters, lose weight and get my pre baby body back all without a single person around to support apart from my husband sent me in many different directions. You guessed right. Let’s just say I crashed under the weight of it all.
I couldn’t pray after I became a Mom. Quiet time was certainly out of the window.
Quiet time was certainly out of the window. I had bought a new Bible as I usually do to mark Landmark events in my life as a way of asking God to start afresh with me. I bought a Big Moms Bible in the hope of reading it. Ladies and Gentlemen, till date, I haven’t opened it. Infact, my son has torn some part of it. I had to quickly put it in the farthest corner of the house so he doesn’t completely tear it to pieces. I was confused, sad and distraught. “Spiritual Woman guilt” piled up. How can I not be able to pray? I don’t even feel like reading any Bible talk more of spending time with God via my quiet time. Prayer time became like a burden. During services, I would zone out or sleep off. I started wondering… is this how it is? How can a whole “Sister Rolake be feeling this way?” What is wrong with me? Why is this happening to me? How are other Christian Moms doing this? I couldn’t even fast till 12 Noon without looking at the clock over and over. With time, I learnt and discovered new ways of staying in touch with God through it all.
Here are some of the things I’ve learnt and I pray it blesses you too
1. YOU ARE A DIFFERENT WOMAN. ACCEPT IT– Dear Christian Mom, the moment you become a Mother, you need to come to a point where you accept that your life is different. I mean a 360 Degrees transformation. Completely and totally different! You are no longer the woman you used to be. You are now a very different person. You now have special super powers that come with responsibilities. You can’t take off or wake up at your usual hour of prayer any more at least not in those early stages. You can’t hop and go anymore. Now you have to adequately plan and go. Your routines will be completely overturned, scattered and disorganised in those early stages. Then after a period of understanding your child, you will then find new rhythms. The Bible says except a corn of wheat falls to the ground and dies, nothing will grow out of it. See this early stage of your motherhood journey as a way of dying. I promise you, 100 folds of the new you is coming. But first, come to terms with the fact that you are no longer the woman you used to be. It will be easier to manage. You are still super smart, intelligent and everything you used to be but you have now been elevated into a different dimension. Settle it in your heart and accept it.
2. APPROACH YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD DIFFERENTLY – I felt so bad when I couldn’t pray and do my devotion “the way I used to do it”. I missed reading my Bible in quietness and peace without distractions. I missed spending quality time with God, jotting down “revs” (revelation). I missed carrying “burdens” for people in prayer and spending time praying for people one by one on my Intercession list. Actually, the tables turned. I now needed to be carried in prayer. I quickly learned that God meets us where we are. He’s the Almighty God but he meets us halfway. He knows our frail and remembers we are dust. He is a Father who identifies and feels our situation. Hebrews 4:15 – 16 says “For we do not have a High Priest Who is unable to understand and sympathize and have a shared feeling with our weaknesses and infirmities and liability to the assaults of temptation, but One Who has been tempted in every respect as we are, yet without sinning. Let us then fearlessly and confidently and boldly draw near to the throne of grace (the throne of God’s unmerited favor to us sinners), that we may receive mercy [for our failures] and find grace to help in good time for every need [appropriate help and well-timed help, coming just when we need it].” Hebrews 4:15-16 AMPC. God knows and understands the phase of life I am in and he won’t “punish me” for not being able to spend time with him as I used to. Infact,a way of spending time with him is through taking care of my son. It honours God. It’s an act of worship itself. Taking care of my son and my family is an act of worship to God. I learnt to pray as I bath, worship as I cook, intercede as I clean, make my request known to God as I take my son for his daily walk in the park. I became a mobile praying mom. I listened to messages & podcasts as I changed diapers. I tried to look for prayer sessions to at least get me into the mood of prayer when I was weak. When I couldn’t find, I created one. You can listen to it here on Spotify. God sees you mama. God hears you. He is meeting you right where you are.
3. GIVE YOURSELF TIME – I’m not naturally a patient person but by the spirit of God, I’m daily learning to bear that fruit of the spirit. Patience is what we learn as mothers. Patience. Be patient with by yourself Mama. You will get yourself back in multiple folds. It is only now after almost 18 Months that I am starting to feel myself again. I mean my son is now 1 Year and 6 months and I am just gradually getting myself together. Can you imagine that? Some of us even take longer and that’s ok! “Give yourself time” may sound cliche but it’s the truth. This phase of not even understanding who you are anymore will pass and you will come into yourself again. Recently, after the usual morning drill of getting dressed and school drop off, I did my quiet time the way I used to do it before my baby came. I sang, I danced, no disturbance of any sort. My house was calm. I am calm and I have some time to myself! It feels so surreal and different! Hmm! Then it hit me, Motherhood is a very different University, a different kind of sport. I must say. It turns your world around. I am just starting to feel like myself again. It’s in phases, it’s in seasons. With time it will get better. Times and Seasons. If only we can be patient. All good things will come.
4. TAKE TIME OFF MAJOR ACTIVITIES – I fell into this trap of feeling guilty for not being active. I think I then overworked myself. I didn’t want people to think “oh she is now a Mom she is no longer active”. My sister, people will talk. Slowing down because you now have more responsibilities is not a bad thing. It’s called getting your priorities right. Better put, it’s called realigning yourself and schedule to attend to the things that are most important to you. If you can manage all you used to do or you simply have to do it due to work demands and already scheduled appointments, that’s ok. If it’s a way for you to do other things aside from baby 24/7 that’s ok. I adopted this at some point to stay in touch too. But if you are just trying to keep up, please press the STOP button immediately. There is no point being active and burnt out so much so you can’t take care of your home. As Christian women, our home is our No. 1 Priority. Please note the qualifying adjective – Christian women. Anyone can say whatever they want to say as long as you know what you are doing and your relationship with God is intact, ignore the naysayers. Church activities do not equal spirituality. Politely decline engagements. In another blog post I will share how to say no without feeling guilty. There is a technique to it. God sees you and that’s all that matters. I shut down for a while from all that I was involved in till I felt better and it really helped. Please do the same if you need to.
5. BECOME MOBILE – This is the new way to survive. Like I mentioned earlier, I learnt the discipline of communicating with God all day long. At night when I’m breastfeeding, I listen to worship songs. I made it a habit to pray and cry my eyes out to God and he truly heard me. Thank God for maverick city choir. Those night breast milk pumping were great opportunities to pray silently in my heart for grace, wisdom and strength in this new phase of my life. I also relied heavily on community. I joined a close knitted prayer group for mothers to help me with prayers – Proactive Praying Women. I was always chatting with my inner circle friends. My mom became my best friend too as we will chat well into the night. (Like they say, your mom becomes your best friend in your 30s). There was no special time for prayers but I was always in tune as much as I could. I would sit down through preachings even if i felt nothing was going in. God’s word is powerful. Even when we think it’s not working, it is. My point here is develop a new strategy to for your walk with the Lord. God isn’t actually expecting you to still do all the spiritual gymnastics you used to do. You just pushed out a whole human being! Go easy mama.
6. COME AS YOU ARE – On days when I couldn’t do any of the above, I adopted the strategy of my friend Mrs Kuku of Checklistsotcom– She said “Rolake, God wants us to bring our emotions to him too! So even when you can’t pray just sit there and tell God how you feel”. That was a game changer. On days when I can’t even utter a word of prayer, I would just sit there with God. Quiet, silent. Even my silence speaks to God. He hears all even in my quietness. I wrote this poem on one of those days –
You are God’s daughter even though you are a mom. You can throw tantrums. You can ask him questions, you can sit with him and be still. You can pour your heart out to him in worship, in songs, in deep heart conversations or in quietness . Yes you can. You are his daughter.
–
You can ask for gifts and make requests. You can whisper to his hears or sit right in his lush presence. You can share your concerns and worries and fears. You can rest in his arms and ask him for grace to carry on. Yes you can. You are his daughter. Even though you’re a mom.
–
Long before I became a mom. In the dark places of my mothers womb. He saw me, He knew me. I have been HIS, I will always be HIS. Yes I am. I am his daughter. Even though I’m a Mom.—I am his daughter even if I’m a mom. It’s comforting to know that I have a father, ever loving & Kind ABBA, whose arms are always open wide. You do too and you are still his daughter.©️Morolake Ojuola for inlushmeadowkids
I wrap up with this – God loves you mama and you have a special place in his heart because you are now a co-creator with him. You will feel his heart more now because you know what it means to create and birth new things. You will understand so many things about motherhood, life and so much more. You will appreciate your own mother and all women in general. Don’t beat yourself up mama if you are still wading through the waters. God is right there with you. Another season is coming when you will find your rhythm and do all the things you love. For now, just do the best you can. God sees you. God loves you. You are still his child!
I hope it blessed you. Please do me a favour and pass this on to a New Mom or a Mom to be. Thank you & God Bless you.
Follow us on @inlushmeadowkidsandmoms for more tips.
With Love,
Morolake Ojuola