This is an excerpt from the Parenting for the Audience of One Podcast. To listen, click here – In this Episode, Dr. Weyoms shares her story and journey of being a Mom with a child with additional needs. It’s a truly inspiring one. Enjoy!
Some of the resources that can help you if you’re also on this Journey of Raising a Child with Additional Needs that has helped Dr Weyoms are as follows:
• Autism and Asperger Syndrome in Childhood: For parents by Beardon, Luke
• Embracing This Special Life: Learning to Flourish as a Mother of a Child with Special Needs
• Praying Circles Round your Children.
• Parenting with Holyspirit by Jeannie Cunnion
Don’t forget to also access resources available in your City Office or the Pedatrictian.
Click Here to Listen to the Full Episode. Follow us on Social Media – @inlushmeadowkids
Let’s meet you Dr. Weyoms
My name is Oritseweyinmi Orighoye. On social media and a few physical places, I am known as Dr Weyoms. In terms of qualifications, I have a degree in Medicine, specialised in Paediatrics, a postgraduate degree in Occupational Safety, Health and Wellbeing and just completed a PhD in Rehabilitation and Health Sciences. I guess this is where Dr Dr comes in! Away from all the titles, I am a young woman who likes finding hope in odd places by working with young people, designing and trying out community projects.
You are A Black Christian Nigerian AFRICAN Mom In the UK. How did you get here? Was it planned ?
I always visited the UK for holidays during medical school. It was an option then to work in the UK but there was no proper guidance after medical school. I stayed back in Ukraine to specialise, with the intention of retuning home to Nigeria for work. However, when I got home, Nigeria wasn’t at the stage I was in. The medical and dental council could not advise on the next steps as I had done an academic residency and not the usual route. So with parents’ support, I came to the UK for a postgraduate study, the first one I mentioned above. I still did not see the UK as a place to stay. I was all for completing my studies and going home. I returned home after my studies but this time, I was married. I worked in the NGO sector for a while and decided to do NYSC. At that time, it was all about, I must practice the medicine I read.
A few months into NYSC after giving birth to my son, I decided it was time to move on. There was no real career progression in clinical practice in Nigeria. I love research and the challenges with research in Nigeria was not something I wanted to face. So I applied to do a PhD in the UK and that how I have spent 4 years and counting with my family here. Would I say it was planned? I will leave that for God.
What has your experience been ? Any challenges? Your Highs & Lows
Well I enjoy the UK as much as I can. I am thankful to be here. The UK has been of tremendous help to my education and the opportunities that I have had. I met a very good friend in the UK and we have a social enterprise in Nigeria together. That’s a big win for me. I met my husband in the UK, so yes. I have the opportunity to work and build a career portfolio, so it is wonderful to be here.
The UK is not my home. I am a Nigerian and it is very necessary to remind myself of this everyday. The lows are you cannot be too comfortable in a place that’s not yours and no matter how much degrees or titles I have, it is not easy to access a number of things. I have lived away from Nigeria since I was 16, so home for me is comfort irrespective of what might be happening there in the last few years.
Let’s talk about your Parenting Journey- You have a son with additional needs. What’s it like dealing with this as a Christian and African in Diaspora?
First, I am no expert at parenting and I go to God everyday for him to parent me first. As a Paediatrician, I had thought additional needs would be far from me. Perfect baby, perfect child. Like, you know how we pride ourselves with our firstborn. As a African, I was worried of the stigma because I know Africans very well. I have worked with a few children with additional needs in Nigeria, so I know the process parents go through. You will hide your child otherwise you have yourself to blame. But, with God at the centre, I took it differently. It was not easy to surrender the thought of not having a “perfect child”. I will be looking at the milestones as a Paediatrician and he was not matching up to them. It was scary and shameful especially when people start asking questions. You get embarrassed when someone asks, Why can’t he talk? Is he not how old again? Why isn’t he potty trained? All sorts of Q and A that you cannot answer.
Gradually, I started leaning on God. I ask praying and asking for help first to get through the stages and what comes with it. God gave a scripture, Exodus 4:11 and I have held on to this verse in the last two years. As I deal with everything on a daily basis, I am like God help me potty train, I go to the scriptures. Lord, help me with my own frustration, I go to the scriptures. God, this boy is unwell for unknown reasons, I go to the scriptures. As an African and Christian mother, I read, listen and watch and conclude with God, it is you first.
Let’s go back to 2020 – How did you navigate it all? How did you pull through?
God helped us. Early February was when my son started nursery and same time he was been assessed for any additional needs. We were seeing progress in his interaction, then COVID-19 happened. I was working from home, then got furloughed. After a short while, I got another job and worked from home. Time management was effective, I like to organise my tasks and activities so I can have free time to sleep or play. So that worked well for us, but I won’t say it was easier. The earlier months, we were very on top of it with my son. We played different games and did a variety of school like activities. As time progressed in COVID, he enjoyed watching trains and building tracks, so we encouraged him with trains and tracks. For him, it was perfect since he could spend hours build train tracks and talking about them to him. He did not really speak so engagement was more with trains, tracks and his mini-tablet. Yes, a lot of people say different things about screen time for children, in our case, screen actually helped with our sons words and what he enjoyed doing. So watch a bit of train construction, spend the remaining hours building the. We maximised the 1 hour a day for exercise. We took outside to play in the fields, because he is an outdoors child. If you keep him longer than a day indoor, you will not rest. In the middle of COVID, we still have telephone appointments and our local MP supported with arts and crafts.
Which spiritual habits have your nurtured in your children’s time ? How did you nurture them any tips and ticks ?
I do not have tips and tricks o. I think every parent knows their child and how best the Holy Spirit equips and empowers to raise the child. For me, our age doesn’t match our intellect as the world might say it, so many books or activities are not for us. My son cannot comprehend thm yet. For now, I have encouraged prayer by praying with him. He has learned to pray but it has 90% babbles, we start with Thank you Jesus and list everybody’s name he remembers and more incomprehensible words and Amen. God hears and understands him, so I keep it going. I read children bible story for him, cannot retell them but I keep it going every evening after praying. We sing, Jesus loves me. It has been a song since I got pregnant, all we do is insert his name at the end. He tries to sing along but again we sing in babbles. We listen to Christian songs, some he knows them and expresses himself as he can, other times he does not understand. Like I said, I am not the person to give tips and tricks. What I ask for is grace to show him what it is to be a child of God. Words don’’t play a big role but action does. What he sees us do, he acts out. So the prayer is always, transform me Lord to be an example.
Which Christian Parenting Books have you read that has left an indelible mark on you?
I read a lot and cannot give track but I love, The Power of a Praying Parent by Stormie Omartian and Praying circles around your children by Mark Batterson. I am mindful of parenting books because many of them aren’t tailored to child and me. I pick a few things and I ask God for wisdom to do well.
What’s your approach to discipline? Are you Pro Gentle Parenting
I am learning to be a pro-gentle parent because of the kind of child I have. It can be frustrating and also given the African way I was raising, I a, learning to parent gentle and do it well. My husband is the baba of gentle parenting, for me I am still learning and breaking generational patterns of unhealthy parenting.
What do you do during tense Mom moments? Do you ever get tired or exhausted? How do you cope? What do you do to unwind?
Oh yes I get tired, exhausted and all. I control time, time doesn’t control me. I do not overload my days with tasks and activities because I know it can be overwhelming. I have boundaries for social media and external activities. My no is no. We have family times in the evening as much as we can. So I switch off by 9pm. I unwind by sleeping, spending time with friends walking in parks, have picnics, travel and sometimes I just shut down and pray, study by Bible and talk with my family. I don’t like hard life, if my body starts telling me it is tired, I rest.
Tell us about a time when God came through for you as a Mom.
Everyday o! If you are raising a child with additional needs, everyday God comes through because you are living in hope that certain things will happen. Is it waiting in hope that one day your child will say their name? Or would learn to spell their name? Or is it looking for a job that would cater for your family? For me, God shows up everyday and it doesn’t have to be the big things because eating meals is a miracle for me.
What would you tell your New Mom self a child after?
Fix your eyes on Jesus. Build resilience before circumstances happen and live in hope. Have fun and capture the moments.
Any tips for new moms in diaspora Abroad?
No tips o! Stop overloading your calendar, make time for yourself and family.